Before the ‘rona struck, I was feeling overwhelmed. It was almost March, we were planning to move back to the US at the end of April and the kids were in a full-on second semester panic as it began to dawn on them how much they had to get done. They had all decided they wanted to finish the bulk of their work by mid-April so they would be unburdened as we packed up and moved. I had all the Spring-related homeschool stress–I was planning a graduation and prom for the seniors, trying to figure out how to conjure up the deposit for the prom venue, fielding plans for science fairs and academic fairs and the last two field trips of the year, panicking about how to get the dog on the airplane with us, selling furniture and homeschool materials that we just won’t need in the US…
And then it all stopped.
In those first few weeks, I was still in panic mode. It took a long time for it to register that things just weren’t going to happen in time. The kids continued their regular routine of schoolwork in the morning, then lunch, then finishing up work. We no longer had our afternoon sports and activities, but we still had schoolwork. And then, on April 4th, they were done. All three of the older kids, completely done with their schoolwork, way ahead of schedule. Max had a few administrative assignments to finish up–a Senior Portfolio, an exit exam and a book list to complete. But by April 14th, he was graduated from high school.
And in the meantime, I had managed to either let go of, or resolve, all the things riding on me. And now, I feel this incredible sense of calm. I feel a little guilty, because I know there’s a huge amount of privilege attached to that feeling. But I feel relaxed, I’m sleeping well, and my anxiety is at an all-time low. This is fleeting, I know, because one of these days we’re going to decide it’s time to go and the whirlwind of an international move will swallow me. But for now, I’m enjoying the calm and contentment.
We’re still spending plenty of time in the kitchen. It’s become fairly routine, with the occasional burst of innovation. I was surprised by Maya’s latest: a sugar-free, dairy-free Dalgona coffee. This trend has blossomed during the world-wide lockdown, as people mourn the distance of their local barista. So the original Dalgona is understandably full of sugar and served over milk. I’m loving the keto version, though.